USING YOUR DOG AS A LAWN ORNAMENT

A growing number of Floridians are employing man's alleged best friend to help spruce up their yards and, at the same time, control pesky weed infestations.
     "If properly installed, a dog can make a terrific lawn ornament," says Wade Wacker, a specialist with the Florida Department of Agriculture's office of horticultual canine development. "And some breeds, especially basset hounds, can also be put to effective use as ground cover."
     The benefit of planting dogs in your yard, says Wacker, is that they can provide a constant source of high-nitrogen fertilizer and, during drought conditions, the excessive-slobbering breeds can be used for irrigation.
     The dog in this photo, a two-year-old basset named Monty, recently ingested a pound of mozzarella and a filet of wild salmon meant for his owner's dinner table. Monty also feasted on several square yards of carpet, three pairs of sunglasses and a pair of sandals. Monty's owner is reportedly considering using the dog for mulch.
    

HOME SWEET FLORIDADA: Vampires at Hooters

Here's the hands-down winner of our weekly HOME SWEET FLORIDADA Award for Behavior Most Befitting the Strangest State. It is also a finalist in the Dying Newspaper Hall of Fame for Best Lede Ever. Thank you, Danny Valentine of the St. Petersburg Times:   

ST. PETERSBURG — The vampire attacked just before midnight on the porch of a vacant Hooters.

The second graf is pretty much a humdinger, too, in an Only-in-Florida kinda way:

Milton Ellis, 69, was sleeping in his motorized wheelchair when he awoke to find Josephine Rebecca Smith, 22, of Pensacola on top of him, said police spokesman Mike Puetz.

You can read the whole bloody thing right here. And I'll have some wings with that. Skip the special sauce.