Sunday, August 07, 2011

Been Tied to the Whipping Post

It takes a brave man to post an image of his fat self in underwear. But it is my penance for not having posted here in, let's see, almost 18 months.
What have I been up to in that time? Many things. Many exciting things. Many less-than-exciting things. Many things that defy all description. Much of which will unfold here in the days ahead.
Yes, I am once again making a valiant effort to blog on a more regular basis. Why am I doing this? I could tell you that it fulfills a deep and compelling need to share my stories with the reading public. But that would be a crock. No, like everything I do, the amped-up blog posts fulfill the deep and compelling needs of my mercenary soul. In the 18 months that I have been absent from here, this blog has somehow managed to rack up a whopping $163.42 worth of AdSense clicks or whatever you call it when money goes into my account because people have dropped by Surrounded on Three Sides and seen the annoying ads that are posted here and over which I have no real control.
Here's what that tells me: If I made a concerted effort to steer people this way, then it might result in a meaningful cash flow, at least enough to allow me to upgrade to the kinds of wines that don't reside on the bottom shelf at ABC.
Here's what else this tells me: This economy of ours is truly screwed up if I can earn $163.42 by being a cyber slacker.
Still, I intend to spend that money in frivolous yet uplifting fashion. And I am going to spend part of it right away by heading today to FEAST, the monthly (or thereabouts) local food extravaganza at Washburn Imports in Orlando. For $25 you get a heaping plateful of food (there will be grouper and blue crab and Florida lobster) and you get to eat it with some congenial souls in the company of good beer.
In the coming days, Surrounded on Three Sides will get a minor facelift. For one thing, I will finally get around to updating my book list (see that channel on your right.) It doesn't even include my two previous books (A Deadly Silver Sea and Baja Florida), more evidence of my slack nature. In addition to info about those stellar tomes, the blog will soon unveil news about the five -- yes, FIVE! -- e-books that I'll be releasing in the next couple of weeks. These are collections of essays I've written over the years, along with some brand-new stuff to fill in the gaps. Here's the lineup:

* GUT CHECK: Adventures in Eating, Drinking, and Wretched Excess
* ALL OVER THE MAP: Getting Lost in Good Places
* THE WHOLE SHEBANG: Love & Lust & Kids & Chaos
* THE MAN WITH THE FISH ON HIS FOOT: Tales from a Peculiar Peninsula
* SHORT ROAD TO HELL: Stories of Chronic Misbehavior, Mostly Mine

And here's today's Surrounded on Three Sides Premium Giveaway: Take a good long look at that photo above. OK, now that you've recovered, tell me this: Where was it shot? And exactly what the heck is going on? The first person who posts here with the correct answers (both of them) gets a FREE PRIZE! I'm still deciding what that prize will be, but it will be something valuable and memorable and you will surely treasure it forever. It might involve rum. Or it might involve a free copy of one of my books. Or it might involve food. Or, it might involve all of those things. Stay tuned for details.
Now, hit me with your best shots. And those of you who I've spoken to recently and who know what I've been up to (especially regarding the details of this photograph) you are forbidden to spill the beans here. If you do I will hunt you down and, uh, do something bad. And by that I mean, badder than normal.

19 comments:

Victoria Allman said...

Welcome back!
I look forward to the e-books and catching up with one of my favorite traveling foodies.

Victoria Allman
www.victoriaallman.com

Mary Jane said...

New Smyrna Beach
You passed out drunk on a freshly painted wooden bench

Bob Morris said...

An amazingly perceptive answer, MJ, but wrong, wrong, wrong. I was cold sober when this happened. But I will admit to getting a bit tight afterward. But you also gotta guess where it happened...

Bob Morris said...

Oh, yeah, I just now noticed, MJ, that you said NSB. Nope. Here's a hint: A whole 'nother hemisphere.

Suwannee Refugee said...

Some kind of Indonesian medicinal jobbie??

Bob Morris said...

Getting close, Suwannee Refugee, very close. Need to be a tad more specific. More hints: Indonesia is involved but this photo did not take place in Indo.

Nancy said...

Some sort of strange sunburn?

Bob Morris said...

Nope, Nancy, not a sunburn. Keep trying...

Anonymous said...

Tropical setting & foliage...with white sand...looks like the west coast of FL...looks like you fell backward on some sort of outdoor fire-pit that would hold a whole lot of pork & chicken and other meats being grilled...looks like it hurts like hell....and it looks like you were probably very full of rum when it happened. Exact location...hmmmm I'll have to keep watching this page to find out more.
Linda

sturgeone said...

Phillipines and Grill-Burn for One Hundred, Alex.....

Anonymous said...

Ok I looked at your fb pics...you were on Curieuse, in Seychelles and although sober, you fell backward on an outdoor grilling pit (a very large pit) and burned the begeezus outta your back. You then swollowed glass fulls of rum, and I'm talking BIG GLASSES, while the natives sliced open aloe plants and slathered the juice on your back. You possibly then made your way to the medicine doctor who heaped a pile of really good pain meds on you because, damn, you uh, needed them!
Linda (Artistlu to you on fb)

Bob Morris said...

OK, let's narrow this down and bring this little contest to conclusion.

Yes, it was in the Seychelles, on Denis Island, as it turns out. No, it was not a BBQ grill or a painted bench or a sunburn. It was something I chose to do, but it was not a henna tattoo. Nor did I think it would turn out quite like this.

sturgeone said...

was supposed to look like a skeleton?

Bob Morris said...

Well, it certainly had something to do with my skeleton, but I had no idea it would turn out with me looking like that. And it lasted a week or so.

Anonymous said...

That does narrow it down a bit. Still, it looks like it hurt.
Linda

Audrey Phillips said...

You are in the Seychelles, on Denis Island, and you got some kind of holistic rolfing or detox that caused big long hickies on your back!
Audrey
http://www.AudreyPhillips.com

Bob Morris said...

Ring that bell! We have us WINNER!

Not to take anything away from your victory here, Audrey, but I had narrowed it down about as far as I could narrow it without saying: It was the result of a "Rupee" massage that I received on Denis Island, Seychelles. Further details will come in the next blog posting. But let's just say it came as quite a surprise -- to my back and to me -- and was just a tad painful. OK, a lot painful.

Anyway, email me off-blog Audrey and I will see about getting your prize sent your way. Thanks all for your guesses...

Nancy said...

That was fun. Do another one!!

Bob Morris said...

Stay tuned...more fun to come.